Divine Intervention

When I went in for a regular prenatal visit and the doctor told me my platelets were so low that I may not be allowed to have an epidural at the birth, I was floored. Just the day before I had professed that this time the epidural was going to work perfectly and I wasn't going to worry about labor at all. Because the epidural only numbed one side of my body with Scarlett, I have had a feeling this entire pregnancy that I needed to practice some pain management and coping mechanisms just in case it happened again. Even though I only felt half the pain with Scarlett, it was excruciating and I was thrashing and shaking and hyperventilating. I didn't want to be caught unprepared a second time, so I had a feeling that I needed to do just that--prepare. The idea to prepare started to sound silly, and it also sounded like a lot of work, so I declared aloud, "Oh, whatever. It's only one day of pain. I can do anything for a day. I just won't worry about it. The epidural will work this time." I received the low platelet news the very next day. I went home after that appointment and natural childbirth research consumed me. The difficult part was that I still had a chance of being allowed an epidural, so I wasn't sure if I needed to fully commit to a natural birth. I knew that if I was forced into an unmedicated birth that I wanted a doula, or birth coach, someone who is trained to keep you mentally in the game, a third party to keep you calm and in control. I interviewed a doula and she was a lovely lady, but I just couldn't get a good feeling about her, so I decided no doula. I could just research and do it myself, but then THAT didn't sit well either. I had a constant internal dialogue about my options and what I should do. It went something like this: "I definitely want a doula to help me through a natural birth, but if my platelets are high enough in the end and I am allowed the epidural, I don't know that I have a strong enough conviction to have a natural birth, so in that case I will just get the epidural. But then I  don't want a doula if I am getting an epidural, so no doula. But I may not have the choice of an epidural and I will have to do it naturally and so I want the doula. But there is still a chance I will be allowed an epidural so no doula." There was no ending this cycle. The only thing that gave me peace, and stopped the cycle dead in its tracks, was to fully commit to a natural birth no matter what my platelets told me. I couldn't control the epidural, but I could control the natural birth. This felt good. It felt scary, but good. I have never, ever, EVER, considered a natural birth. I have always been very pro-epidural. Even though it didn't work properly the first time, I was still a believer. I also have never had the need some women have to birth naturally. I never thought it was wrong, I just didn't share the need. Jordan has an analogy about natural birth. He says an epidural is like deodorant. You can go all natural if you want, but it's going to stink for everyone. I shared the sentiment, but then something happened. Yet again, the day after I made my official declaration that I was having a natural birth, I found out my platelets had gone up drastically. Here I was again, left with a choice. I was frustrated, so I prayed and said "Why the run-around, Heavenly Father? This has been consuming me for weeks. I am tired of thinking about it, and then I finally commit to the natural birth and you give me back my epidural? What was the point of all that?" Then I started reading The Gift of Giving Life. It is a compilation of birth stories and essays and in one woman's story, she realizes one day that she needed to invite the Lord into her decision about her baby's birth. That was my answer. I had never even considered to ask God about the birth of this baby. I had decided all along, just as I had with Scarlett, that I was going to get an epidural and that would be it, but the Lord wanted to have a say this time. He tried nudging me throughout my entire pregnancy to prepare for a natural birth, and I flat out denied the feeling, so He took matters into His own hands. Bye-bye platelets, bye-bye epidural, now are you listening? When I invited Him into the discussion, I was led to so many resources I would not have sought out otherwise and my life has been more abundantly filled with the Spirit. I don't know if this experience has anything to do with the birth at all or if Heavenly Father just needed an entrance into my heart so I could become closer to Him (and maybe it is both), but I do know that I have had such an empowering few weeks learning about my divine role as a woman. I am so grateful for my body and my purpose. I am so eager to fulfill the measure of my creation and help build bodies for spirits who are anxiously awaiting their turn on earth. Because I know that this is my body's purpose, I am confident in my ability to labor and deliver naturally.  I am so grateful for modern medicine and that it brings babies here more safely than ever before, but I also want to trust my body and the God who created it in His image and only use those interventions as a necessity. Right now, the plan is to have an unmedicated birth in a hospital with the help of a doula. I know. I am surprised, too. As I said, I don't know if any of this has anything to do with birth at all or if it was just an experience to bring me closer to God. If in the end, I get an epidural or even an emergency c-section, it doesn't really matter, because the journey has been so sweet and joyful. We will just have to wait and see what happens!