Defensive Strategy.

I'm a pretty defensive person. I am infinitely better than I used to be, but if I think I am being misunderstood, or misjudged, or wrongfully criticized, I immediately want to explain my side, clear my name, smooth things over, etc. It's not necessarily a bad trait, but I have learned over the years that it is a form of pride. As a teenager, whenever I was in a defensive situation, my mom would always say, "A little humility goes a long way." It would make me SO MAD because that's the last thing you want to hear when you are already feeling defensive. Now there are times, when your honor or core values are being threatened, that defending yourself is warranted, but for the most part, humility is the answer. I didn't realize until recently that Jordan has this completely figured out. If ever I confront him about something, he throws in a little humility and some humor and the situation is diffused. I have only a simplified example, but the same concept overflows into the big stuff, too.

I forget to turn off the oven about 60 percent of the time. Once Jordan motioned to the oven and said, "You forgot to turn it off again." Of course, I got defensive and started explaining myself a million miles an hour saying, "Well I got the food out and I had to hurry because the baby was screaming and I really had to go to the bathroom and I just forgot to turn it off. You forgot to turn it off the other day, I noticed!" And he said, "Did I? Oh. Don't you know that I'm a jerk? Thank you for making all of our meals. They are delicious." What? No retaliation? No excuse or explanation? Just making fun of himself for questioning me and then pure gratitude and a dimply smile. It sounds so simple and almost silly, but that's how most arguments in relationships start. An accusation over the oven, a defensive response, and then he could've said, "Woah, sorry, I just don't want the house to burn down," and it could have eventually escalated into how I feel like an inadequate house-wife and how I blame the internet. Instead, that was that. I'm learning from him. That situation could have been even better if I had been the one to use humor and humility first. When he mentioned that I forgot to turn off the oven, instead of defending myself, even though everything I said was true, I could have just said, "Again? Well at least we won't have to turn on the heater tonight." I don't really know why I'm writing about this. I really just wanted to tell someone how funny I think it is when Jordan calls himself a jerk when he isn't even being one, but this was fine, too, I guess. Next stop, teaching this to Scarlett someday. I will probably end up doing it the same way my mother did, gently reminding her when she is in a defensive stupor that a little humility goes a long way, and then hoping someday she will really get it.