Reality Check.

So I just discovered this lady. I stumbled upon her blog and loved it so much that I may or may not have started reading it from beginning to end. She is so honest and hilarious and validating. I wrote a post awhile ago about how I wanted to be more real and stop trying so hard to be (or at least appear to be) perfect. I made some serious and some trivial confessions so that people would know that I don't have it all together. I don't even know if anyone assumed I had it together, I mostly did it because I was wishing someone would do that for me. It is no secret that I have an abusive relationship with the virtual world and social networking. I find myself kicking against it and fully embracing it simultaneously. It bothers me most that it masquerades around as reality. It's supposed to be refreshing because these are real people with real lives, but really, these are snapshots of people's lives and they choose what part of their reality to display. Recently, I caught myself slipping back into the lie. I was coveting other peoples' snapshots. Then I started reading my own blog and realized I should be arrested for false advertising. Everything I say is true, but I am omitting some pretty crucial details. Yes, I have the cutest, most precious, most beautiful baby in the world and I could not be more in love with her, but I also clench my teeth in the middle of the night when I go in for the NINTH time and say, "I don't want to do this right now, dangit!" And sometimes I don't say dangit. And sometimes I look at Jordan bitterly and think "Screw medical school! You should be awake right now, too!" And then in the morning, life isn't as bleak, but the days are long and Scarlett looks at me like, "So we're just gonna hang out inside all day again, huh?" And I think, "we should go somewhere but I am so tired." But this is the life I chose for myself, and I can honestly say that I don't regret it one bit. I wanted this. I was reading old journals the other day and the pages were filled with my desire to be a mother. I know this is my calling, but no one could have prepared me for how exhausting it is. Point is, I have snapshots to be proud of and some I wish I could throw away, but so does everyone else. I need to step back and remember those people out in the virtual world are not hiding their bad snapshots to make me jealous, they just don't want to be judged either.  Thank you, Momastery for the reminder and the reality check.